In the past, I was more partial to spending copious amounts of time on the web. Partly because I was lazy, partly because I was 14 ; in all honesty it was not the worst decision I had ever made. It helped me develop my signature style of digital portraiture, aided me in reaching to other creatives, and of course it lovingly gave me this blog. My horrendously formatted little sanctuary who I can confide in with no hesitance.
But, since I have been enjoying life to the fullest as of recently, my blog posts have drifted off into the unwritten nether - awkwardly sitting in my drafts. It seems life has had a peculiar way of whisking me away on so many different adventures, I have been resolving a lot of unfinished passion projects and resolving a lot of personal issues - both each as important as one other.
Once again, blogging was forcibly relegated to the back-seat, waiting for its turn to call shotgun - if you will. Well, I suppose today the “Skiyodu” blog is in luck. She is getting the much-needed attention and care she deserves.
Me to the blog …
There are several things I would like “to do” with this blog, so to speak :
1. Give it a MAJOR revamp, style-wise. I have made a ton of new content since the conception of this particular blog format, the blog deserves a makeover. Furthermore, my aesthetic interests have very slightly shifted since I first started to design this page, trying to keep my personal projects topical and relevant to my current interests will undoubtedly give me more motivation to pursue them. Also, aside from all the articulate musings about why it ever so imperative that I switch a few hex codes around, designing your blog is really fun. Arguably, my favourite aspect of having a blog. This should come as no surprise, I am stimulated by predominantly visual material.
2. Add in more hyperlinks to external medias, as well as some of my own colloquial musings. Throughout this blog, particularly at the start, there are some hidden posts only able to be found within particular segments of text. The Hyperlinks are not visible, giving them a secretive nature. These are usually off-kilter conversations I have with myself about a ton of subjects from jam, to the French Revolution, to fruit juice : these satisfy my artistic and literary appetite. Many take refuge in the unintelligible, and the absurd - that is why net art worked so well "back in the day" I believe, and why Dadaism worked so well too. Please, if you see me ever un-ironically referring to something "back in the day"in an overtly dream-like, excitable manner please put your hand out in front of me and tell me to stop. I do not have a nostalgia fetish nor do I own any rose-tinted glasses.
I am SO not a hippie!
3. Perhaps this is more personal, rather than blog-related. No, everything is connected. I would like to lead a life worthy of blogging. Occasionally, I have sat in front of the computer as I am doing now, lost for words, obsolete of thoughts. You would think, one who takes such unabashed pride in being holistically colourful would be able to find words more quickly and efficiently. Instead, I have left them adrift, scattered amidst two months rants. I would like to end this pattern. I am very thankful for those who have taken the time to read my past blogs : you can see I tried to incentivise in numerous posts. Stating to myself, and more importantly, to you that I would start being more proactive in my commitment to this blog. Seeing as this has been my first post since April, a clear conclusion can be drawn that sticking to my word is not my strong point, and my previous efforts to be a more a diligent writer have gone awry.
Initially, I thought that the best solution to this sloth-like nature was to sit down and ruminate on the "best" way to write, to quickly fix up a hodgepodge schedule which would force me to just, write. Eurgh, I am skipping that step. What is a better way to start writing ? Well, I am doing it now - I suppose ... just simply, writing and being and moving. Soon, time will pass and this page shall be filled with numerous bursts of colourful text, stylised in garish fonts. Time goes by quickly, too quickly for my liking. I will commence this post and the sun will set.
The self-focused jargon I just spewed almost feels like a necessary convention of a blog, however my main takeaway from this slab of verbiage is that I want to work harder in the face of adversity. That is all, I do not see any other solution. It is such a simple concept which my peanut brain has taken so long to realise - the act of working hard and working now. How have I lived for so long, and learnt so late ?
People have remarked to me as a child and as an adolescent that I have been consistently strong-headed and occasionally stubborn. I do not compromise with many, and I certainly do not want to compromise with myself. This weaker side of myself, the one which wants to flinch and negotiate in the face of hardship is one was one which I used to enjoy beating to submission. Nowadays, I have a slightly more nuanced, a bit more diplomatic. However whatever age I am, I will always be sick of my own vices, which I have lived with for far too long.
Recently, I wanted to reach a point in which I was healthy, fully functional and undeniably happy - and then I wanted to move towards my goals. It was a non-sensical idea, for quite a non-sensical person : but most importantly I was an unhappy person, keep that in mind. So I tried to find enjoyment in sedentary, non-stimulating activities. The kind of activities you could do in your sleep. At least you can dream in your sleep, which is far more stimulating than making your bed, or doing the dishes, or cleaning dust from under your bed with a mattress that you desperately need to replace. Anyways, let me get back on topic.
This was my goal essentially. I also think “Droopy” is so very cute.
"Cyd, you present as an overgrown pom-pom from a folk tale who fell head first into a ball pit, your artwork does too - why are you trying to mimic the habits of a 56 year-old businessman who has 15 sporadic start-ups with an addiction to lemon water ?"
I still laugh at the oddity of my previous situation.
In a bizarre contradiction to my subcultural roots, I ruthlessly assimilated into the conventional day. Surprise, surprise this just left me temporarily displaced and halted me from producing anything substantial. Anything I conceived to be valuable. I was not listening to my inner voice which probed for a different day, and instead I pitifully adhered to the conventional perception of what it means to be "high-yielding" and "diligent'. Just to note, those self-help tips which insist you to 5,000,000 things before you actually "start your morning" do absolutely nothing.
Frankly, I do not want to just appear functional and productive anymore. I would like to be functional and productive, this is my incentive to action, to proactivity. Even if my daily routine reads as totally absurd - painting for prolonged hours of time, sleeping at unorthodox hours, not straightening my hair. Is this sporadic slop of a "day routine" my Plan A ?
Absolutely.
Spending ages on art, working on this blog, creating costumes, making jewellery, welding anything large-scale. This is what drives me - no matter how badly I appear to sleep, no matter how many protein bars I happen to not consume. Art is this malleable force which procures an undoubtable fire in me, igniting me to become not only a better artist, but a better friend, a better listener, and a better advisor. Jokingly, I state to people that Art is a demanding mistress, a lustful partner with an immovable strict side to me. Can you form a para-social relationship with a concept ? I suppose I have. But, Art to me, has become a second mother. Comforting me and soothing my worries and unconscious fears, she opens her arms and comforts me.
However, this comfort was extremely scary. What if this comfort deterred me from working hard ? What if art became boring for me ?
I do not want any “walks in the park” !
"Don't you give yourself too much to do ?"
If I can imagine, synthesise, and materialise what people perceive as "too much", it is not too much. I do not believe in anything possessing a transcendent quality, apart from God. Nothing or no-one is above me but God, nothing can beat me into submission or negotiate with me to "aim for less". All I have imagined, I can make. "Too much" is my power : too many accessories, too much artwork, too many opinions, too much passion. All which people have scrutinised me for, I have weaponised into an unchallenged creative vigour, which will not waver not fail me.
Let me bring it on, let me paint more paintings, install my first installation, shoot more photos, compile another series, post more portraits and do it all in style. Harder, better, faster, stronger or whatever those two robots said. Let me cement this promise in my writing, because who wants to turn back on their permanent word ? Who wants to live with the shame of inaction ? Everything is possible for me, my work knows no impossibilities !
I hope you have a deservedly amazing day, thank you so much for reading my blog post. May you have a blessed weekend, I hope you accomplish your goals for Sunday.
