this is essentially a letter to say ,, get your damn work done skiyodu ugh come on be diligent come on …
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NOTHING SAYS ,, “motivation” like a good ,, old ,, slightly kitschy blingee …   |
GOOD EVENING (o_ _)ﾉ彡☆,, whoever stumbles across this blog !!
!! SO SO happy to see you here !!
I must ask before we start
How has your day been ??
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| do NOT be shy ,, please tell me - don’t melt … |
Mine has been beautiful so far ,, I am in the perfect mood to start making jewellery ,, the effects of my cold have now subsided and I am in a much better state now !!
I hope your days continue or start to be merry ,, it’s very hard to stay happy in winter I often feel ,, but we can only try …
NOW ONTO THE MAIN BULK OF THIS
!! navigating one’s own feelings with artistic motivation !!
(( so original ,, a teen talking about motivation - eurgh groundbreaking … ))
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NOTHING like ruminating and rambling to yourself on your makeshift blog ,, i “LOVE” it !! - this caption has no correlation to the image ,, i just love this cute blingee of the two cats (( 🐈⬛🐱🐈 )) SO SO SO much … ☆:.｡.o(≧▽≦)o.｡.:☆ |
I feel personally ,, as if the skies have separated and cleared - I am coming out of an art block and I am dedicated once again to improving my work and becoming more diligent in loving my passions again.
Throughout my life ,, I have struggled with motivation - due to my faulty definitions of motivation. I equated the worth of my motivation exclusively to how others received such motivation. If someone thought I were working hard ,, it means I had to have been working hard. On the contrary if you thought ,, I was a lazy bum but eurgh tough luck ,, past skiyodu thought she was a lazy bum …
I really did. believe my motivation was intrinsically linked to being pristine and respectful to what was handed to me …
“When life gives you lemons ,, make lemonade”
I thought when I was younger ,,
“Why would I want the lemon ,, lemons are bitter and unpleasant - can I not work for an apple instead ??”
(( it seems I missed the point a bit … ))
I really liked apples when I was younger ,, I prefer satsumas now the apples I have been having as of recently are not my favourite …
I had stripped away any personalisation of motivation for the longest time and thought “motivation” was your willingness to comply with whatever workload life seemed to dish out …
So inevitably ,, I speed off the motorway ,, I skid into the cliff and I seem to end up toppling into the waves the minute I am met with the dreaded …
INITIATIVE
(( dramatic formatting ))
aspect of motivation …
So as the atrocious adolescent brain does ,, you put on your bad playlist which is a direct causation of an underdeveloped understanding of what ambient music is and you start talking to yourself ,, giving yourself that faux interrogation where you jump back and forth between the possibilities of you being the reincarnation of some demented snail …
Then when you approach more of a “hinged” state you start asking yourself the real questions about motivation ,,
Or the ones you believe have to do with motivation …
You know the
“ What am I doing with my life ??”
I often ask ,,
How do I motivate myself ??
As opposed to ,,
What motivates me 🤔🤔 ??
Without a passion ,, it’s hard to be motivated by anything - if there is nothing you enjoy ,, why would you dedicate yourself to anything ??
I have been in the past ,, too focused on accumulating this general ,, transferable “motivational attitude” in where I practise better self-care regiments and go to sleep earlier and I re-tie my shoelaces every day ,, so it’s easier for me to walk.
But I am not motivated by better self-care regiments.
Nor am I motivated by having to begrudgingly tie my shoelaces tighter beside the driveway.
This has frankly done nothing for me.
“Motivation” has been moulded to have a “look” ,, and I am severely disillusioned with the idea of putting a face to passion ,, and hard work ,, it is an image I have always felt alienated from and ostracised in my life. Motivation wasn’t something to be congratulated ,, it was a mandatory. It lasted well into the night ,, and in early mornings too. I don’t think it were exactly keen on taking a break.
We have been conditioned to believe that you must be in a fixed state to be motivated ,, that you must come to this strange resolute - full peace and confidence in your ability but confidence does not equal motivation to me ,, I often feel as if people naturally lump them together but they are not of the same fibre.
I can be confident and charismatic and beautiful and finally match my socks to my top.
It still doesn’t mean I am going anywhere.
Because I am not motivated through matching my socks to my top.
One needs to be motivated about what they want ,, they need their “something” …
How are you meant to be motivated at everything ??
Motivation doesn’t materialise effectively with only an attitude ,, it manifests in act of motion - motioning yourself to a greater purpose and motioning yourself to look at your interests and stay for them. To prefer them and “hold them” in your best regard ,, I wished my interest could hug me back hehe …
I for a long period of time had no semblance of what I wanted ,, my passion was split and divided into many outlets - with none having particular focus or finesse.
I had such a hard time looking at my hobbies and thinking what am I passionate about ??
Am I passionate about art ??
“Yes but what in specifics about art ,, what is it do I truly enjoy ABOUT art” …
Am I passionate about
painting ??
“Not in the traditional sense” …
Am I passionate about my digital art 🖼️ and my digital work ??
“Yes but it’s sucking the life out of me” …
Am I passionate about sewing ??
“Yes but I don’t have the tools to sew” …
Am I passionate about countercultural fashion ??
“Yes but I don’t have time to assemble beautiful beautiful outfits…”
ENDLESS RUMINATING
All these justifications for my lack of artistic activity ,, all of the
alleyways in which I could excuse my dormant nature when it came to the love of my life …
SIMPLY MADE ME MISERABLE
in trying to find justification for my lack of passion I ended up missing my passion so much more 。.:☆:･'(⌒―⌒*)))…
The only remedy to make myself feel better about my inactivity is to become active once again ,, to start creating ,, to start doing ANYTHING - if there was a way I could mobilise myself creatively - THEN I SHALL DO SUCH A THING !!!
I realised when I could not excuse myself from my art ,, that I truly wanted to improve and love this outlet for eternity …
I DO NOT BELIEVE THIS IS JUST ME WHO THINKS IN THE FOLLOWING WAY …
I want to succeed ,, therefore I place high expectations on myself ,, I do not put in the work necessary for such dreams - and then blame it on my high expectations ??
Why do I blame it on my dreams ??
Why do I crush myself before I even reach my peak ??
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i do think about my potential always ,, perhaps if i put some of that time into active work - i may reach said potential ??  |
Whenever we call it “quits” (( whatever that phrase is )) it feels like this metaphorical middle finger to hopefulness ,, and it limits all of your dreams to hypotheticals and the space in between you sleeping and waking.
I want my dedication to materialise and in order for that to happen ,, I will have to work …
But I would gladly work for what I love …
So ??
It seems I should !!
Words are very hard to mobilise ,, i feel strongly towards such a sentiment - I have a hard time “putting my money where my mouth is” ,, and that needs to change - seriously …
I completely understand this is a bit “chatty” and not totally coherent ,, but …
!! IT IS VERY MUCH SO GOOD AND GREAT TO CHAT °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖° !!
… !! but I must see myself out now !! …
!! A WARM GOODBYE MY DEAR LOVING CITIZENS !!
truly ,, THANK YOU !!
for reading this ,, tolerating my ramble and taking the time out of your day to read my blog thoughts (´｡• ω •｡`) …
FOR THE LAST TIME ,,
i hope you have an amazing week going forward and that you apply yourself with all of your might to your passions ,, ambitions and goals.
!! I FULLY BELIEVE IN YOU AND ALL YOUR AMAZING TALENTS !!
!! stay safe and we shall meet again !!
